Oh gosh, I’m so sorry this happened to you! I get so enraged when I see Man-boy erotic stories on Tumblr or elsewhere, because they glamorize something that, in reality, is very damaging and painful to the victims. You have had something stolen from you, my little brother.
The anxiety and fear you describe is very accurate and also quite paralyzing. You’re still young, so processing these feelings now might be quite difficult. But I assure you, there is hope.
I think college will give you a fresh perspective on life, as well as new opportunities. You might look around campus to see if there are any peer groups being conducted for victims of child molestation. Not only might this help you unravel your complicated history and get some advice, but you might also be able to connect with other gay Men who understand and sympathize with your particular situation.
Beyond that, try to keep your heart open. You’re a young, bright Man with plenty to offer others. Love can be yours as long as you don’t shut down your heart.
Don’t let this molester win.