I feel like I’m lost in the middle — what do I do?  For awhile I had a top / alpha and I think I was transitioning to becoming a true fag. Then I moved and haven’t been able to see my top / alpha for years.  I still crave him and his cum, but the void I had is basically gone and the unexplained feelings I started to have about entering in chastity to focus my body on experiencing pleasure only from my pussy and nips has virtually gone, too.  Now just fantasy.  Meanwhile, since moving, I recently started playing with a bottom / fag.  I read the article about sir Titus cunting cody.  That could have been me and my bottom / fag.  (He doesn’t know that I’ve been a bottom myself!). I don’t know what path to follow or what my true purpose is…  If I had a top / alpha to own me like before, and a place for us to be together, I’d probably pursue that.  But now I don’t, and instead I have the opportunity and place to explore being an alpha (which most people seem to think I am).  I think my bottom could be a true fag, and I could nurture that, and that would give me pleasure, but somehow I also feel like an imposter. I relate to so much of what you’re written about and I’ve had at least one experience of being cunted myself.  (I didn’t know what I experienced or what to call it until reading your site.)  What do I do?  Where am I in the hierarchy now?  I’m afraid to go all the way either way, but I hate being stuck in the middle, too.


Thank you so much for writing!
 
Believe it or not, your situation is not terribly unusual. I’ve encountered multiple Alphas who began life thinking they were supposed to be faggots and were unhappy in trying to fulfill that role … until they realized they were repressed Alphas. This was almost always due to some sort of childhood trauma or grooming early in life. 
 
But that doesn’t sound like you, though. You sound like you regret topping and would rather return to pursuing faghood. That’s just my impression, and you’re welcome to write back and correct me if I’ve gotten it wrong.
 
I’m sure it’s quite difficult to focus on being an Alpha to a faggot after being on the receiving end of a cunting. It’s truly a life-altering experience. It would be foolish to ignore that (even if you could) try to become something you’re not.
 
One thing I wish I knew was your age. If you’re fairly young, much of this confusion (for lack of a better term) can be attributed to that. I also wish I knew how far you’ve taken your domination over this faggot; in other words, is it performing domestic service in addition to sexual service? 
 
I am not prepared to call you an imposter. These things often take time and experience in order to shake things down to their essence. You’ll get there, I’m sure!

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