hello brother. i understand you are a rape survivor. I’m a 29 year old faggot who enjoys one on one service. i usually meet alphas and straights some one night stands some regularly but always one on one never in groups. so last week i decided to have my first service session since the pandemic hit. i was to meet this 30 something fit guy who is clearly an alpha male. when i got to his place he immediately asked me to suck his dick which I gladly did then two of his buddies showed up who took turns fucking me (they didn’t like talk to me or anything they just went for it) i really wasn’t planning on getting fucked that day let alone by two guys but they were so dominant i just froze i was really confused they just took charge. after they were done they zipped up and left then the original guy the one I had an arrangement with and sucked his dick earlier now he wants to fuck me too I said no I’m too tired and my hole is sore and that i wasn’t planning on serving more than one guy then he got all aggressive and verbally abusive he literally fucked me on the floor and my god it really felt like rape but for some odd reason i just froze i didn’t know how to process this. anyway after he was done he told me to leave so i left. i stayed in my car for like an house so confused about what happened trying to process all of this. here’s the problem, when it happened and immediately after it happened, i was certain it was rape. a couple of nights later I’m jerking off to the experience. my god i really hated myself for thinking what happened was hot. i guess the whole thing left me conflicted. i didn’t plan this. i didn’t have a say in this and now it’s a hot memory? what the fuck is wrong with me? i’d appreciate some advice brother. I’m deep in self loathing right now 

You do NOT need to feel badly about being turned on by the experience you had with those three Alphas. Your reaction is VERY common and seemingly quite natural. I have had similar reactions to my rape, and many other faggots and females experience it as well. It’s part of a larger umbrella of side effects from rape called Rape Trauma Syndrome. 
So I guess you can see where I’m going with this. Yes, brother, they raped you. All three raped you, but the responsibility for the rape falls on the Alpha who invited you over. 
But here’s something most doctors and clinical psychologists will not admit – there is a difference between the way a faggot processes a rape than the way a female does. For women, rape is a violation that scars them and destroys their self-esteem. But for a faggot, the experience can become fulfilling and even exciting.
Unlike females, faggots generally don’t have self-esteem. We are born with an instinct to be cum holes for Men, to serve the needs of Men, and to find purpose in that service. The act of rape becomes a collision between action and purpose in a faggot’s life, and it can cause all sorts of collateral emotional damage. 
But underneath that there is a nagging fulfillment of purpose that excites us. Being taken roughly and aggressively by Men is something of a goal for any true faggot, so rape isn’t as much of a stretch for us. That’s why I’ve written multiple articles attempting to decode my own post-rape feelings. It’s also why I’ve stated that the raping of faggots is, on some Hierarchical level, a necessary tool in the subjugation and ownership of faggots. And yes, I know how bad that sounds … but it’s the truth, no matter how ugly it might be.
I’m very proud of the way you are handling this, brother. You are much further in the process than I was at the same stage. If I can survive it (and come out stronger, I might add), then you can, too!   

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