This is a continuation of the story of frat fag, the formerly straight college male who discovered that he was truly a faggot when he was dominated and taken by a college Alpha named Duke. If you want to catch up, you can click on this link for all of the previous installments in this fascinating story.
After an absence of more than a year (last contact was March 16, 2019 – CLICK HERE), Frat Fag has returned from the dead!!
I cannot tell you the number of emails I sent to Frat Fag during that long, dark year since my last contact with my inspirational brother. I pored over previous correspondences, desperate to figure out if I had said something hurtful that may have made Frat Fag abandon me (it happens frequently, as you might imagine). None of my emails received a response. I was like a lovesick, Victorian-era diva tossing letters to her lover into raging waters without a reply.
This is, of course, far from the first time this has happened to me. Many people with whom I’ve developed e-relationships disappear without a trace.
But Frat Fag was different. He was truly a brother to me, and someone I cared for deeply. I felt actual pain over the loss of my younger brother, and pined for his return like a sad puppy whimpering at the back door for its puppy friend.
Then, seemingly by a miracle, Frat Fag reappeared in my inbox yesterday! And not only did he let me know he was doing okay (I was legitimately beginning to worry about his life status), but he caught me up on his situation with Apex Alpha Duke.
Here he is, telling his own story with his typical eloquence:
It’s a bit painful to recall. But I will do it for you because of what you’ve helped me with.
Everything was going well, Duke and I were fucking to our heart’s content. He was breeding me, using me, making me his and only his.
Eventually…I guess I fell in love along the way. I told him as much. But the thing is he told me he loved me too. But I guess he never really meant it.
We ended up one day arguing about something stupid, I can honestly hardly remember what about because it all turned into about a week’s worth of us not even talking to each other, instigated by me. Every time we came close to making up, it would devolve into arguments about irrelevant things that had annoyed one of us previously. Bringing up old shit into the present.
One day we came back to the apartment and he sat me down and told me he was ending us. I fucking broke and sobbed. I begged and begged that we do what we can to fix it, but he wasn’t hearing it. He said he cared for me but that it wasn’t healthy and he didn’t want to be apart of it any longer, that he’s not going to deal with the ignoring each other. I promised to change but it didn’t matter. I asked if he ever actually loved me and he said he would always care for me. And that shit hurt as well.
We tried to be friends afterwards, but it was odd. He would withdraw but also still be nice to me, but then blocked me on social media, helped me with a medical emergency, but then a few days later had turned a cold shoulder to me. He helped me move, we fucked twice, but said that he was removing and separating himself away from us and that I needed to do the same. He then became increasingly angry with me when I guess I didn’t know how to let go and kept trying to talk with him to just get clarification on what happened. And he just turned cruel, saying we weren’t friends, weren’t in a relationship, and that he wanted me to leave him alone.
But I still felt there were things being done to get my attention, make me jealous, string me along. Which just led to more confusion within myself and kept me holding on. I had several breakdowns and…was in a very dark and low place in my life for so long. Several times I’ve been suicidal, not necessarily because of him – but the situation was just a cherry on top of the mounting depression and anxiety that I was dealing with.
Since then I’ve tried dating other people but…I just can’t get my heart involved. It’s already dedicated to Duke. There’s no room for anyone else. Which may sound pathetic. I don’t know. When I thought I might get somewhere with someone, the other person has said there was no chemistry, when at first it felt to me like there was chemistry. But that could just be me trying to force myself to see chemistry. I haven’t tried serving anyone since Duke though. I just can’t.
So I don’t really know where to go from here honestly.
I’ve questioned whether I’m even really gay. But I was content getting fucked within an inch of my life by this man (and sometimes his friends) for over a year. I’m definitely gay. And when I feel more up to it I can share more of the stories that I remember from other times we fucked during the period I went silent. But for now it’s still too painful to recall. It’s been almost a year since…yet it feels like it was still just a few days ago. It doesn’t really help that we work together.
It’s been sort of a blessing from the pandemic is that working from home we don’t really have to see each other which is helping me (I would like to think both) heal. I hope that distance, in this instance, is making the heart grow fonder and he sees that I’m a changed person that would do anything in this world for him. And that whenever we see each other in person again, we’ll have a conversation about us.
This is something I constantly warn about here: don’t fall in love with the Alpha you serve. This is doubly true if you’re serving a straight Alpha like Duke.
Here’s the great, ironic twist regarding the service of straight Alphas: keeping that emotional distance and focusing solely on service actually causes the Alpha to feel closer to you! He regards you with more warmth and affection. Why? Because you’re giving him the space he likes, and you’re demonstrating emotional respect and control that makes him feel more comfortable and at ease.
Frat Fag can be forgiven for falling into this trap. Duke was, after all, his first Alpha (and what a home run that was!). Alphas are hard to resist even by the most experienced faggots in the best circumstances, so a new faggot under the control of an Apex Alpha can be expected to stumble!
As always, Frat Fag shows beautiful humility and honesty in telling this frustrating and sad story. I thank him for sharing his heart and his heartache.
Out of the thousands of people I’ve met through this website, Frat Fag is truly one very close to my heart. I will always consider him to be a very dear brother and friend.
Thank you, Ry!