For Baby Boy.
Always & Forever.
For my Baby Boy.
Always & Forever.
Twenty-two years ago today a boy came into the world, and, unbeknownst to me at the time, my life began to change.
But the universe knew.
This boy wasn’t born to me, but he was born for me. And when the time was right, the universe delivered him into my care. I took that little boy’s hand, and I never let go again.
And I never, ever will.
The entirety of my story with this little boy cannot be summarized properly here, and can only be told through desperate tears. All that matters is he is mine now and forever.
I am so proud of everything he is, and everything he hopes to be. I will be right beside him every step of the way.
I love you, Baby Boy! Happy Birthday!
I made this for Baby Boy. ❤️
Always & Forever!
I thought you didn’t celebrate religious holidays.
I don’t celebrate it, but I know it’s meaningful for others, so then it becomes meaningful for me.
Here’s a great (and personal) example: This is the first Christmas Baby Boy has had as a free person. Christmas has always held a special place in his heart because it represented a magical part of Western culture that he always longed to experience.
So even though Christmas means nothing to me, I see the holiday through his eyes and it brings me joy.
I did what I could do to make this Christmas special for him given that he’s literally on the other side of the planet (and it’s been an odd year for me). But I promise you this: There is a Christmas in the not-too-distant future when we will spend it together, and no boy on Earth is going to have a better one.
Always & Forever!
Plz tell us about baby boy i came so late to the party i spent last week reading all about your baby boy he sounds like a wonderful boy I’m so happy for you!!
I appreciate your interest in Baby Boy. He is the light of my entire life, the new star in the sky by which I now navigate my ship.
I will just say that he’s doing very well so far in his new home. And I am grateful to the universe for giving him to me and for giving me the strength and opportunity to carry out a nearly impossible feat.
Could you describe the greatest day of your life?
The day I walked down the ramp in a Malaysian airport, looked into the crowds, and saw Baby Boy shyly hiding behind a concrete support pylon. Holding him in my arms for the first time after surviving almost a year of literal hell together was a feeling I will never forget.
Many atheists start to be more open to the idea of some kind of faith as they get older and approach death. It is astounding to me that you went through cancer without even giving religion a second thought. I wish I was like you. The concept of organized religion makes me sick but I find myself envious of religious people sometimes. It comforts them. They have something to lean on when times are rough. Us, the tortured kind, have so little comforts. Be well.
I guess I tend to look at it this way: a fake hope isn’t hope. Lies are not comforting.
I never feared death for my own sake. I just couldn’t leave Baby Boy alone in this world. I wept only because of that possibility.
I got turned on by reading your humiliating description of your fag body. You sound cute. Tiny arms but big ass I’m guessing? Try CrossFit style squats and see how that works out. Squat down low and slow but not all the way, then come up slowly half way like sitting in a chair. Hold then go back down slow but not all the way. Going down all the way gives you a spring up when you come up so you don’t work all your muscles. Then stand up and repeat. Then do split squats. Then weighted versions
Hahahaha thank you Sir! 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈
I KNEW I shouldn’t have said anything! Your description of me is dead-on, Sir. Baby Boy is always giving me trouble about my “big white American ass” and comparing it to the ass on Jennifer Lopez. My uncomfortable writhing gives him endless amounts of amusement. I really hope he doesn’t read this, actually.
Thank you for the excercise tips, Sir! What I really need to do is recruit one of my muscle friends to motivate me more.
Thank you Sir!
Religion is to blame for much of the misery in the world. Last july, i met this cute Indonesian guy who is extremely miserable because he is a gay in a muslim majority country i tell ya it was incredibly painful to hear his story made me count my blessings a thousand times, we have our fair share of problems here but at least i don’t fear for my life because I’m a man who likes other men. I sure hope the progress we’ve made isn’t undone by four more years of pissfuck.
I agree with you completely. Honestly, the 4+ years working on this site has completely exposed me to the oceans of heartbreak felt by my gay Muslim brothers and sisters. It is sometimes overwhelming. It was especially difficult in the spring/summer of 2017 when I was desperately spending days and nights for months searching for a way to save Baby Boy from Syria. I came across so many young gay males trapped in sometimes awful circumstances … they haunt me even now, and probably always will.
Great, now I’m crying again.
I couldn’t save them all. I just barely managed to save one, my angel. Sadly, I’m just one little person who isn’t rich or well-connected. I swear to you that, had I the money at that time, they would’ve all been rescued. Maybe someday I will have the money to rescue them and give them someplace safe to live. In the meantime, I just send up my hopes to the universe to look after these innocent ones who are trapped or persecuted by the religions of this world. My heart bleeds for them.
I’m so sorry about this Indonesian gay guy. I hope you were able to comfort him, and maybe even give him a taste of the forbidden fruit he so desperately craves. I know that sounds a bit obscene, but these are real needs that humans have.
And every human on Earth deserves a chance to experience love and affection and sexuality on their own terms.
Thank you for your heartfelt message!
I will no longer be discussing the situation between myself and Baby Boy.
I trusted a couple of people here with personal information, and one of them has shared that with a faggot who then told my Boy. This has proved to be painful to him, a person I love dearly and who has been through so much pain already.
I don’t want to be a source of pain for him. I want to be a source of joy and comfort.
I have let him down. I have let myself down.
So this is the last time I will discuss any of it.
I also feel sorry for you Dad, not because you aren’t who he wanted, but because his love wasn’t or isn’t conditional. What kind of father cant get passed something that’s different about his son. You could still have biological children, if you wanted to do so. It may be hard to get used to you being a cock sucking faggot because your dad isnt an Alpha, but knowing that you’ve found love in a son and the lengths you’re going through to bring him happiness is admirable. Fuck your dad man.
Thank you for this, Sir!
Why do you talk about the universe like it has sentience? That doesn’t sound very atheistic.
Being an atheist doesn’t mean I must take a rigid stance on everything. Being a believer in science means one must be constantly open to possibilities.
You’re right – I do talk about the universe that way NOW. The reason why I’ve changed my perspective is because of the series of miraculous occurrences that happened to bring me and Baby Boy together and the subsequent rescue that saved his life. About a year into it I started looking at so many lines of evidence pointing to some “other force” working through everything, and that’s when I adopted the idea that there are powers in this universe working things out.
Science actually supports some of this. The study of quantum mechanics continuously reveals more about the mysterious connectedness of our universe. Metaphysicians and theoretical scientists point to these connections as a way for the universe to communicate itself back to us. This is part of the theoretical science behind famous works like The Secret.
Ultimately, I have no other explanation for what’s happened in our case except this, for now.
its kinda creepy how you refer to this underage boy as your babyboy. Clearly you are just trying to help him so you can bring him over here and fuck/use him. Youre a sick man
Listen, you stupid fuck – he was NEVER underage, not even from the first “hello.”
Secondly, I have not just gone through three years of LITERAL HELL trying to SAVE HIS LIFE just so that I can have sex with him.
Thirdly, I visited him in Malaysia in 2017 and we didn’t even kiss, let alone anything else.
Fourthly, this boy is MY SON, MY TREASURE, MY LOVE. He’s not a sex toy.
Fifthly, I have had A LOT of sex with A LOT of Men and Alphas over my 20 years as a faggot. I don’t need to go through THREE YEARS OF HELL and spend COUNTLESS THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS trying to SAVE HIS LIFE just so I can have sex. If I want sex, it’s literally minutes away at any moment.
Sixthly, please DIE IN A FIRE. Your comment is one of the most vile and ill-informed pieces of garbage to ever drop into my inbox. It’s amazing that someone as fucking stupid as you can even remember to breathe. And I hope you forget to very soon.
But if you don’t, please DIE IN A FIRE.
What can you tell us about this baby boy you’ve acquired?
I wrote this about him:
Do you think you’ll ever get a chance to live together with your lover?
It is destined. With him at my side, we have overcome mountain ranges of obstacles. Taken as a whole, what we have accomplished is a miracle in itself.
But that journey is only one part of the story, the first movement of a great symphony the universe is playing for us and through us. It cannot be stopped or undone.
Always and forever.
What’s stopping you from getting your baby boy to the US?
There are two huge hurdles now.
1. The United States has largely stopped all immigration into the country, but Trump’s ban on Muslims (including Syrians) is a particular problem. Did you forget about that? I haven’t. It’s been a thorn in my side since the day in February of 2017 when Orange Hitler signed that executive order. If I could go back in time and kill baby Trump, my Boy would be sitting here beside me right now.
2. Now that he’s safe in Australia, he must remain there four years to gain full citizenship and completely renounce his Syrian citizenship. From there, he will be totally free to travel anywhere in the world he wants. Just three years and nine months to go …
Your son is lucky. So many other gay youth in the middle east not as lucky. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness and contentment. Cheers
You know, I tell him that all the time! 😂😂😂
Seriously, thank you for that. I appreciate the kind words.
Yeah, the gay kids of the Middle East break my heart. When I first began researching how to save Baby Boy, I spent a lot of time in chat rooms and Facebook desperately trying to find help. From that, I befriended many gay kids in the Middle East. It was devastating to know these kids. I wanted to help them all escape, but my escape car could only afford to carry one at a time.
I never really had a desire to be rich until this situation happened in my life. I swear to you that, if I had a lot of money, I would go to work saving as many of those kids as I could.
I’m glad ur okay fag stay strong for ur baby boy! He needs you now and always!!
Thank you, Sir! I need him just as much as he needs me!
Did your atheism shake when you thought you were gonna die?
Not even a little bit. Honestly, I felt completely comfortable and in-tune with the Universe during the entire ordeal (and beyond).
Has your baby boy made you a less bitter person?
I’ve never been a bitter person. People online sometimes mistake my realistic outlook and emphatic nature as bitterness, but that is not the case.
Baby Boy has changed everything in my life. This inexplicable journey I’ve shared with him is the transcendent experience of my life. Everything is transformed.
I bought these for my Baby Boy for his birthday. Now that he’s (finally) in a modern, civilized country, I’m able to start giving him little things out of my heart to make his life better and give him reasons to smile. ❤️
Twenty-one years ago my Baby Boy came into this world. It was a world filled with heartache, cruelty, and pain, far too much for a wide-eyed little boy dreaming of freedom somewhere else. Anywhere else.
I didn’t know it then, but twenty-one years ago my life changed forever. The Universe, mysteriously wise, began the inexorable machinery that moved events in both of our lives over long stretches of time toward a singular and impossible moment three years ago:
A message from the darkness of the internet. I opened it. “Hello,” it said. And nothing was ever the same again.
It’s hard to overstate the impossibilities of the incredible journey we have made together. There were days of bottomless desolation, soul-shattering tears, terrifying desperation. There were also moments of cleansing joy and wonder. And so much laughter.
And what we discovered in each other, through every sensed emotion and every finished sentence, is that we are connected in a way that defies anything my rational mind can explain.
All I know for sure is my Baby Boy is now flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. He was a little boy hoping for a Daddy, and I was a Man in need of a son. And now we are one.
This one gift has cost me everything I am as a person, all I can give of myself and all of my earthly treasures. Yet the weight is weightless. My days are filled with joyful tears and the wonders of the future, his little hand in mine.
Always and forever.
I love you, baby boy.
If you dropped dead today, what is the one regret you have?
That I didn’t get to finish building the life with my baby boy that I have been dreaming about for the last two years. I sometimes feel soul sick out of desperation to make this happen. Fighting the world has turned out to be much harder than I imagined!
One day in early July of 2016 I received a message here on the blog asking if I would be willing to talk privately on Kik messenger. He was studying English in school, so we largely just talked about stuff like poetry every once in a while. I didn’t find out about the facts of his life in Syria until two weeks after Trump won the election in November of 2016. That is the day my life changed forever.
Since that day, we have talked to each other in some form or another every single day. Sometimes those conversations went on for hours and filled with laughter. During that 2.5 year span, through a journey of sheer terror, absolute heartbreak, and endless tears of sadness and joy, I discovered the most beautiful soul I have ever encountered. He is a little boy who is in turns scared, hopeful, inquisitive, reserved, creative, joyful, kind, and respectful.
And most of all is his love. His precious love. My goodness, you’ve never felt love until you have been loved by him.
My Baby Boy is my soul mate. The powers of the universe brought us together and held us together through the most incredible journey of my life. We finish each other’s sentences. We anticipate each others’ emotions across time and space.
I am in the center of his heart, and he is in the center of mine.
Always and Forever.
I wasn’t sure whether or not your baby boy was in the U.S. or still in Malaysia. I fell way behind during the Tumblr censorship campaigns plus having to move across the U.S. for a job last year. I try to do what I can for LGBT refugees but I’m pretty limited. I used to think I was an immigration conservative but to accept that label now would force me lose all of my humanity (and deny theirs). I probably won’t find a soulmate in the process but you have and I hope you get to be together soon.
Thank you for asking about him. He was just accepted to become a citizen of Australia. He’s already starting his brand new life of freedom and safety. It’s been a wild, bewildering ride. I am so thankful that I was able to carry him to safety over that very long two years!
I’m grateful to you for being humble and honest about your past, and how you have changed. Human kindness, mutual respect, and principled love all work wonders in our world. I wish more Americans would wake up from their hateful stupor and change like you did.
How has your baby boy changed your life for the better?
I don’t hardly remember my life before his life entered mine. He is the bravest, kindest, and most thoughtful human being I have ever encountered. He held onto his hope and faith despite the monumental hate and cruelty that scarred his young life. The amount of courage this little boy showed, again and again, staggers me every day and still makes me weep when I think about it. I cry for his suffering as much as I cry from joy that the universe reached out its hand and rescued him.
The most significant change in me came spiritually. I was a firm “there is nothing out there” atheist before my Baby Boy arrived. But through the series of incredible events we experienced together, I learned that there is a power in this universe moving events at the right time to help those open to it. There is no other way to explain it. The things I saw proved it beyond any doubt. Is it the quantum power of The Secret? I don’t know … but it’s SOMETHING.
Another change in me happened in my heart. I spent my whole life living hedonistically and selfishly, never dropping my emotional anchor in any harbor for very long. I never, ever thought about having a child of my own to care for and support. But the universe dropped this boy into my lap and made a secret dream of mine come true. Now I have a son.
And finally, in my mind, my understanding of love changed. I used to view love in rigid “x+y=z” terms, discounting magic entirely. But my little boy taught me about the boundless magic of true love, a love undefined and divorced from traditional concepts. Even we struggle to define our relationship in terms people can understand. We are more than father/son or teacher/student or husband/husband. Our love transcends time and space. It has always been forever, and will always be forever.
We are soul mates. Believe me, I never thought I’d ever say that about another human being. But he’s here, and he’s very real. I will thank the entirety of the universe for this one precious gift for the rest of my days.
How much of your baby boy story is true?
110% of it.
Please don’t start this “everything on the internet is a lie and a conspiracy” bullshit. By doubting any of it, you disrespect me and him. We literally put everything we had on the line – his life, my money, and two years of daily fear and worry.
We didn’t go through that hell so that you can sit back and question it.
How is your sons Ramadan going?
It’s going pretty well, and thank you for asking!
I’m handling this Ramadan much better now that he’s safe in a civilized place with healthy conditions. Ramadan of 2017 was an ungodly nightmare as he was attempting to be faithful to the horrible no food/no water restrictions of Ramadan in the sweltering heat and terrifying conditions of Syria. To his credit, he managed to do it despite my daily begging for him to stop and spare himself.
I hate all religions pretty much equally, but I truly despise Ramadan. What a stupid, hideous, torturous ritual to impose. The idea that any god would expect that from humans absolutely boggles my mind.
My baby boy mistakenly thinks I will eventually join him in following Ramadan. My baby boy is dead wrong.
One of the many marvelous surprises I discovered about my Baby Boy as I got to know him was his hopeful creativity. Here was this little boy suffering in a barren land full of tragedy and hopelessness, yet he had dreams and kindness that informed a fierce creativity.
I have done whatever I can to encourage his creativity. I got him his first computer, which has turned out to be a match made in heaven. Not only has he been learning how to build websites, but he’s also become shockingly good at Photoshop.
So it was a given that he would want to try his hand at designing his own shirts when I began designing the Hierarchy brand.
He now has two original designs for sale in his own store on Teespring! I love both of them because they are full of optimism and whimsy.
My little boy and I
Against the world together
Written in the sky
Always and forever.
I keep hearing that you have a son. Not to sound like a complete asshole but do you think a fag can raise a son? Now I do believe gay men and woman can and should raise children but a fag is on a different level. Do you think a fag should raise kids? I should say I admire you for being in your sons life. It’s just a question I have concerning fags place in the world
I realize that most of my readers don’t understand the entire story behind this mysterious boy I occasionally mention here. That is because my baby boy doesn’t want me to discuss it so openly. I try to respect that as much as I can.
But briefly: I met this young gay boy online in 2016. I later discovered that he was in Syria and in dire straights. So I spent virtually every waking minute for the next two years and a lot of my own money desperately trying to rescue him and give him a new life. In the process of this incredible journey, through oceans of tears and terror and broken hopes, I found in him my soul mate. The love of my heart.
I just recently managed to get him to a brand new country and a new life of freedom and safety. I literally saved his life. And so he is mine. Forever.
Now, I can’t speak for other faggots and their suitability as parents. But I will tell you this emphatically: I AM HIS FATHER, and I WILL NOT EVER LET HIM DOWN. I am going to be the father to him that my father never was to me.
TRUST ME. I am not like other faggots.
I’m curious how you reconcile the hierarchy while also separating your baby boy from it. I remember you saying you don’t put him into that hierarchy because of the things he’s been through and you only care for his happiness, not any label. But isn’t this contradictory? Especially because you react negatively to people who doubt their “place” or the hierarchy all together? Does he himself believe in the hierarchy? I can’t imagine him believing you’re inferior because he adores you.
Deep down I know he is part of the Hierarchy. We all are. I just … (sigh) … I just know his heart so well. It is the single most beautiful heart I’ve ever encountered, a glimmering jewel hardened and crystallized through the most tragic of circumstances. That it exists in its present form is a minor miracle.
And so I just want him to have some peace. That’s all. There will be time enough for him to make decisions about those things later, when he’s ready. But now, he deserves space and he deserves peace.
As for me, my baby boy hates when I refer to myself as a faggot. You are very clever to infer that. I’m not even sure if he likes this blog, primarily because of that fact. He wants me to see myself the way he sees me. Believe me, that affirmation from him means the world to me.
His attitude towards all of this can be best summed up by something he occasionally says to me: “I can’t ever hate that blog or what you write there because that’s how I met you. Everything came from that blog.”
And that’s how I feel, too. It’s one reason why I’ve fought so hard to keep it running. As a tribute to the single most important experience of our lives.
How do you deal with being away from your baby boy? Do you guys talk every day?
We talk every single day. It’s very difficult given that he is literally on the other side of the planet from me. However, our entire relationship was borne out of difficulty, and we have overcome the longest odds to reach this glorious point. We will conquer everything in our path until we reach our goals. This hideous and hateful world will not win.
That said, it hurts me every day to be away from him. We are rapidly approaching the two year anniversary of my trip overseas to meet him in person. I only got one wonderful week with him. I desperately miss having him curled in my arms. I miss his smile. I miss his big, dark eyes. I miss seeing a boy who has experienced so much pain suddenly break into endless joyful giggles.
Now that he is free, I am going to finally get to see him in his new life, his new freedom. My little Australian boy. And we will once again curl up in each other’s arms and transcend borders and laws, time and space. There is only me, only him. Always and forever.
I cannot wait.