I was recently contacted by a gay doctor who was concerned about my use of the word “faggot” as a specific way to distinguish a type of submissive gay bottom.
Here was the original letter:
I hope this finds you safe and well. The pandemic has been a nightmare for those of us in health care. Especially if you are in Florida with our crazy governor. Anyway I am sending this as a personal comment to you from me and my lifelong partner and sub. Although both of are “men of a certain age” where the word fag and/or faggot was definitely pejorative, hurtful and designed to degrade, both of us and many others I’ve polled in my private and professional life really don’t like it and are reluctant to use the term. Yet you and many of your followers now many much younger don’t seem to have a problem with the term. I wonder if you could poll your members RE this. Although my partner and I subscribe to the concept of of a male hierarchy and believe it’s a valid sociological fact, neither of us would ever use the word fag or faggot. We just don’t like it. In our opinion a healthy D/s relationship requires mutual respect ( if not love, as what he and I share ) and for us “fag and faggot” just do come to us as loving, respectful or kind.
Here a good piece on the use of the word. https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2018/08/25/is-it-ever-ok-to-say-
I’d appreciate it if you would see what other subscribers say about this
Dr. Ed Tampa Bay Fla
First of all, I love the professional, constructive tone of the doctor with the subject! It turns out that the doctor is the Alpha, and his partner of 20 years is his sub! I love that they embrace natural Hierarchy, too!
So I decided to do some polling of my own. I first went to the FWA Discord server – ugh, what a fucking mess! Everybody there was more concerned about the doctor’s credentials than the simple point of answering an anonymous poll!
Finally I felt like the data would be too skewed anyway given that everybody joined to that server are quite accustomed to using the term “faggot” the way I described above. So I decided to run a couple of polls on Twitter, a community still resistant to the use of the term (I’m regularly banned there for the use of the word).
Here are the one-day results of those polls:
So I think it’s fair to say that a vast majority of Men feel the word is quite important in Hierarchical communication.
But this is ESPECIALLY true for faggots themselves! I’ve written extensively of my embracing of the term and the effect it has on me when an Alpha uses it. I know my faggot brothers feel the same.
I presented the results to the good doctor. His response:
Thanks for this. I am at age 78 a semi retired teacher, senior mental health administrator and clinician in greater Tampa Bays several metro counties. I have an MD and a Ph D from a top Boston university, am known worldwide for my work in couples therapy and working with first responders. Also very active in the LGBTQ community. Have several blogs on the D/s life style my partner and I have been together for 20 years. He and I, and those with whom we live and work, simply believe the word fag has too many highly charged negative meanings. We believe the use of the word does nothing positive in enhancing the relationship. It is dehumanizing, cruel and abusive. We do accept the concept of the hierarchical relationship between gay men. Although hierarchical reality is found universally between men and women of varying serial appetites. But I can’t count the number of young men and boys who have been tormented, some even pushed to suicide by being called fag or faggot. Those whom I’ve polled think that word has no place in a healthy D/s relationship.
I appreciate your response to me Sam.
Edward MD, Ph. D TAMPA BAY FL
Based on this new evidence, the doctor intends to do further polling to see what results he might find. I’ve pretty much made up my mind on the subject, of course. There’s simply too much evidence of the impact the word has on the capture and ownership of sub males.
The doctor and those of his generation only experienced the hateful use of the term, so his hatred of it is understandable. But we younger generations have transformed it into a word to be embraced and cherished.
To us, the word “faggot” means “a possession of Men”. And that is absolutely a beautiful thing to be!