I take this website seriously. I know what understanding Hierarchy and discovering purpose did for me, and I want that sense of security for others.
To that end, I’m always thinking about the unseen eyes viewing my work every day around the world, particularly all of the young people that I know are out there. While I’ve always tried to follow the laws governing minors and sexual imagery/discussions, I knew from the beginning that such a line was an impossible one to enforce. I remember how I WAS as a young gay male, in hiding and desperate for an understanding of my place. How could I expect any young person to be less curious?
So now here is this giant website I created almost to-the-day five years ago standing like a lighthouse on a rocky, wave-drenched beach. Its light continues to beckon travelers lost in the darkness and the mist and guide them to something resembling safety. This is especially true of our young ones, new captains on the seas that the world is all too eager to drown.
So I will not ever turn my back to these young ones. They just want knowledge. Answers. A sense of belonging. Purpose.
I received this incredible letter from a young faggot named Archie today. I was deeply moved by his story, his hard lessons already learned, and his silent scream for help.
It’s lovely that I have the ability to contact you so easily. You’re incredibly generous with your contributions to this community–and I don’t have to be a long time member of it to see that. I’m going to be honest with you. I’m young. 18 years old. But like any teenager in the modern age, I’m no stranger to the internet realm of sex and debauchery. Thing is, I’ve never been like my peers, who watch porn for the fuck of it, masturbate, and go about their lives. For me a chord has always been struck–rippling throughout my sexual interests, my sexual behavior, all of it.
When I was no older than 10 years old, I’d discovered the realm of self-hypnosis. As if by fate, it was no time before I drifted into the erotic side of the community, namely hypnosis files specializing in making the listener feel mindless and enslaved, with no option nor desire to do anything except obey. Cue an intense eight years of inner turmoil, wrestling with my seemingly preexisting needs to be dominated, used, turned into a servant. Videos centering around the D/s dynamic were frequent visits of mine through the teen years, ranging from obscure fantasy to the most abject of sexual services.
Retrospectively, I was always a lost cause, I think.
I didn’t truly come to learn what a faggot was until 2018, just months before Tumblr implemented the porn ban. It was like the Holy Grail, everything I’d ever desired suddenly having names and labels and people who actually participated in them. It was real! But so was my shame. For every bit of validation I felt, I felt disgusting. Wrong. Fundamentally broken. I’ll spare you any monotonous details, but a cycle of making accounts on Tumblr (then Twitter and bdsmlr) to find validation and then deleting them in shame ensued for months, and months.
Finally, I started learning how to practice self-love. And to my immense surprise (but now MUCH less shameful view), becoming innately self-loving didn’t erase my faggot side, it just allowed me to accept it. And now I want to indulge it. Begin to train and serve and become knowledgeable of the hierarchical world and how to fit into it in my coming adult years. Your website and your dedication are a GODSEND, Sam. But I admit. I’m scared. I was raped when I was 12 because I was so desperate to make sense of my faggot urges. It’s taken years to heal and I still am, at the sore age of EIGHTEEN.
I love myself, and I want to embrace being a faggot wholeheartedly. But I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I could be raped again. Add being a black person in Texas on top of it, and I’m afraid of being killed. I know this is a long and complex email, but please–any advice you may have for me will be GREATLY appreciated. You’re the cornerstone of the faggot community and by far the most seasoned. Thank you for all you’ve already done.
Love, Archie the faggot
Can you hear what I hear in the words of this beautiful fag brother? Little Archie has already been through so much due to the process of blindly trying to find his way. There is real pain and justifiable fear in this letter.
How could I ever turn away, even when he was reading me when he was technically a minor? I couldn’t. I would never.
So how to address this? Here’s my response:
First of all, dear Archie, I thank you for this exquisitely-written letter and for your kind words. And I’m grateful for your honesty.
My main advice to you right now is this: BE PATIENT. Time is absolutely on your side, little brother. This isn’t a mountain you need to climb in the next week or the next year.
I don’t know if you have plans to go to college yet, but college could be a way to get out and gain new, vibrant experiences in relative safety. It might also be worth your while to try and go to college somewhere outside of Texas. If not college away from Texas, then maybe try getting a job in another state. Again, I don’t know much about that part of your life.
For obvious reasons, while you’re in that state I think it’s best if you err on the side of caution and choose your battles carefully. I was careful when I was your age also growing up in a conservative, sexually-repressed state, but the times were a bit friendlier to gays then and I was white. I’d be much more careful nowadays while being a gay black boy.
Plot your escape. Start making plans for the life you intend to create for yourself so that you can live freely just the way you want.
In the meantime, there are things you can do to deepen your relationship with your faghood. First potential step: go into chastity. Also, try to get a dildo and a prostate massager in order to practice deepthroating and developing more of an appreciation of your pussy.
Also, you’re a wonderful writer. It might be a useful exercise to start writing a journal or blog so that you might explore your feelings more.
All of these steps can help you in private while you take steps publicly to create a new life for yourself. You CAN do this!
And I and this website will always be here for every step of your journey!
Keep in touch!
sam the faggot
How could I ever ignore such a beautiful brother and such a lovely, heartfelt email?
This is why I continue to light the lights here. Why I work tirelessly to create content and chronicle true stories of success and failure here. Why I keep pushing this message of Hierarchy deeper into the mainstream.
For Archie, and all of the other Archies I know are out there being tossed at sea.
Come. The light is always on, warm, and free.
You don’t need to be scared anymore.